Awake My Soul
by The Devil Wears Westwood
Summary: After a life changing event, Cullen begins to see the way he lives his life in a new light. And with the offer from the government to take over from Durant, will Cullen be able to finish the railroad?
1. Thistle & Weeds

Lily Bell walked around the broken scene of Hell on Wheels. Most of the businesses had turned, to some point, into ash and fallen pieces of burnt wood. Her eyes glanced upon Thomas and his wife, both of which were cuddled against the barely standing walls of one of the former buildings. Neither of them seemed to notice her as she began to walk to her train cart. She had seen Elam and Eva, who were holding on tight to the other. She figured that Cullen could not be far behind them on the return from defending the bridge. How she longed for his arms and gentle embraces. She continued to walk towards her train cart, ready to relax until he would come for her.

Walking in, Lily had no thoughts for anything, not even the previous night's events that threatened to haunt her. No, her only thoughts were for Cullen, who she hoped would be back any minute. As she walked a few steps further, she began to think to herself that perhaps it would be better if she walked back into the center of town to wait for him. Her mind debated the thought, before deciding that she did not want to return to the ruins of town, as she began to light a candle. It was then that the world returned to her, as the dim light the sun was allowing came to a close as the open door of her train cart was shut. Almost immediately, her hand placed itself on her weapon as she turned around to see the Swede, getting up and walking towards her. She knew why he was here.

The next few moments were but a blur to her. Her gun was out of bullets, had she known this, she would have reached for something else to defend herself. As he threw her to the ground, she tried to gain control of herself. She would not go down to any man, not when she was this close to taking over the railroad from the Durants. His hands reached her throat, and all she could do was beg for her life. "I was kind to you," she whispered out, in a last desperate attempt. No one had heard her screams, and she could not overpower this man.

"Yes, you was," he replied, his hands positioning themselves for the kill. There was a firm satisfaction in his eyes as he enjoyed the last few moments of Lilly Bell's life. In her death, he would overcome Bohannon. In her death, he would finally be prepared to die himself, simply because he had nothing else he had to win. He had brought destruction to the railroad. Now, it was Bohannon's turn.

"Cullen will kill you," Lily whispered, her breaths already becoming shorter with her neck in his hold. She struggled, trying to overpower him one last time.

"Yes," he replied, with even more twisted satisfaction in his voice, "but this is all for him." His hands began to apply more pressure as he heard the young woman choke.

Her feet slammed against the ground as her body struggled, desperate to receive the air her lungs so desperately need. Her fight was unless as she felt the weight of his body crushing down on her abdominals. Images soared across her mind as she felt the effects of the lack of oxygen barreling down on her body. Robert. Cullen. The railroad. Even Thomas and his betrayal shadowed across her mind. Her eyes began to roll back into her head. This was truly the end. After avoiding death at the hands of Elam and the many different nations of Indians, this would be her end. Killed by a man whose life she had saved just a few short weeks prior. Her world began to go black, her final thoughts of Cullen and how he would take to losing her, when he had already lost his wife.

The sound of boots and a single gunshot filled the air as Lily's eyes shut cold.


	2. White Blank Page

The Swede groaned in pain as the impact of the bullet registered. His hands loosened from Lily Bell's neck as he fell onto his back, blood rushing out of his left shoulder. His demon black eyes began to roll around, looking for Bohannon, but finding no one. "Mr. Bohannon," he groaned out in his misery, his right hand pressing up to the wound. Finally, his eyes hit upon the figure that held a gun pointing down at him now. "Negro," he hissed at Elam Ferguson.

"Mr. Bohannon'll deal with ya," Elam answered, keeping the gun pointed down at the man. Eva had pulled Lily away from the two, checking her newly made friend's body for a pulse or a sigh of air.

"Elam, she's hardly breathin'," Eva whispered out, opening up Lily's airway by loosening her layers of clothing. The Swede let out a small chuckle upon hearing Eva's statement, which was met by a swift boot to the head from Elam.

"Get me somethin' tie this one down here, Bohannon gunna want him alive" Elam said to Eva, as he kept the gun pointed down. Eva nodded, quickly getting up to find something to tie the man down with. Every so often, her eyes would transfer over to Lily, making sure that she could see some air escaping her lips. Eva picked up one of Lily's dresses, grabbed Elam's knife, and cut it into several pieces to tie the Swede down with, as there was nothing else that was going to do the job quickly. Elam quickly tied the man down, before picking Lily up. The trio, Elam carrying the unconscious Lily, quickly headed back to the center of town.

Bohannon walked through the remains of Hell on Wheels, ignoring most of the destruction. His mind was on finding Lily and being reunited with her. After the long battle, all he could care for was making sure that she had made it out alive, before they could move into the others embraces. He could use her strength right now, with all the murder that had gone into the night; she was the one thing that was still innocent about him. The tall man continued to be lost in his thoughts until Eva came up, running at a slow pace for anyone who wasn't pregnant.

Before he could even get words out to question her panic, she forced out, "Mr. Bohannon, Mr. Swede, he tried to kill Mrs. Bell." Cullen's eyes widened as his hand went to his gun, to which, if he remembered correctly, still had one bullet left in the count. "She's still breathin', Mr. Bohannon, she's with Elam," she finished, pulling lightly on Cullen's arm, moving it away from his gun.

"Where is the son of a bitch?" Cullen hissed. Eva shook her head, as she tried to continue to pull him towards Mrs. Bell and Elam.

"Elam shot him, Mr. Bohannon, but you must come to Mrs. Bell, sir," Eva stated, trying to drag away his attention. "We knows what you means to her, she'll want you when she awakes."

Cullen looked down at her, "I'll be there," he stated as he took off towards Lily's train cart. He would not allow the Swede to escape him again. Eva watched him go, knowing that there was no way she was going to be able to take away his rage. After Cullen disappeared out of sight, Eva made her way back to the church to help Ruth with Lily.

The Swede tried to twist his body out of the ties that were holding him down as the door flung back open. The man laughed as he saw the face of Cullen Bohannon as he swept through the door. "Mr. Bohannon," he snickered weakly. The blood had stopped dripping out of his shoulder, but he had lost enough to slowly kill him.

Bohannon snarled at the twisted man as he listened to his snickers of pain. "Damn little snake, ain't getting away again," he replied, in an angry whisper. He put his foot down on the Swede's wound. The Swede groaned in pain at the pressure of Bohannon's weight.

There was a small spread of pleasure that went across Bohannon's face that broke the Swede's groans of pain into sick chuckles that made the angered man's stomach turn. "Came to me instead of Mrs. Lily Bell?" The Swede snickered sickeningly. "Ambition, Mr. Bohannon…if that Negro didn't show," he stopped smiling, "But well, you know don't you."

Bohannon removed his boot from the Swede's shoulder as he took a step back. "You make sure to tell the Devil hello when you meet him," he finished, turning away from the dying man. As he stepped down out of the train cart, he shot his last bullet out of his gun, walking away without seeing if it had hit the man or not.

Making his way to Lily, Cullen could only think about his now dead wife. The Swede was right. He knew that his ambition had driven him into service during the War. Now, the war at Hell on Wheels had almost taken away his second, and last, chance at love in the form of Lily. His mind was torn. Lily had told him to protect their bridge, but he could have left much earlier to return to her side. He knew that she was safe with Elam during the battle, but that he could have return much sooner than he did. He continued to walk towards the church, having seen that it was one of the few tents that were not completely ruined by the raid. As he walked in, Ruth came out to meet him.

"Mr. Bohannon, Mrs. Bell is still unconscious," she said quietly, leading her to where Eva sat on her knees, still trying to help correct Lily's breathing. The breaths that were coming out were shallow and long in between. Cullen stepped over to her side, taking Lily's small, soft hand in his own. He needed her to stay with him. He could not cope with losing her. Not now.


	3. Lover's Eyes

**AN: Sorry about the long awaited update. I got really sick and really busy with school so I didn't have any time to update. But I have a week off in a week so I will try and update at least twice over that break. Read, enjoy, and review! **

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Cullen shook his head to keep awake, rubbing his hands underneath his eyes. It was well into the night, and he had already failed to sleep the night before, but none of this matter. Lily had barely stirred in the hours since the Swede's attack, and he could not allow himself to fall asleep now. The Durants had stayed settled into one of the train carts that had failed to be burnt down in the raid, but he could care less for the things that they did. They did not know what Lily had done, at least not completely; if they had, he figured they would have run. Eva had gone to Lily's train cart to report on the condition of the Swede. He was dead, his pulse gone, and she had returned to Cullen with this news. It did not stir him, however. He had whispered the simple, almost command to Elam to burn the corpse, but did not know if the man had followed through with the statement. Again, he did not care.

His eyes transferred over to Lily. Her breathing had become less shallow, but still, she had not woken up. His rough hand lightly stroked its way around her face, his lips softly lowering to touch hers. She had made it through the day, which was enough to keep him from completely giving up any hope that she was going to die. The thought was much more troubling to him then he would have ever thought. Why, he was unsure. He knew he cared for Lily. But he had not yet gone as far as to whisper the three little words to her. The three words he had said to his deceased wife, and the words he was sure that Lily had heard from her deceased husband. They did not seem to play into the picture, not in his mind, and he thought, not in his heart yet either. He leaned down to kiss her forehead lightly. And before he knew it, those three little words had run their way from his lips; his self control vanished in a moment of what he would normally call upmost weakness.

Lily's eyes were closed tight, and she could note this to herself in her state. Her head was pounding, in a certain rushed manner that made it hard to remember how to open her eyes. Even as a normally automatic reaction, she did not have the ability to do it. She tried to move her hand, but found that she was too dizzy to make much of a moment. Around her, she could hear the harder breath of a man. Cullen; or at least she hoped it was Cullen. She tried harder to make her eyelids open at the sound of boots drawing closer to her body. She knew those footsteps. They, without a doubt, belonged to Cullen Bohannon. Yet, her eyes still refused to open. Her head pounded as if someone was knocking upside her temple, and it was causing the greatest discomfort for her to be unable to open her eyes to motion or speak for medication to help her pain disappear. Then she heard him speak.

Could she have possibly heard him right, was her first response. It was possible that he had said nothing. She had not heard those words since Robert had died. Not even the nights that Thomas Durant had tried, and eventually succeeded, in seducing her to his bed. And she did not imagine that she would be hearing it from Cullen, not yet at least. He still had his walls surrounding him, no matter how many nights they had been spending wrapped in each others' embrace. "Cullen," her weak voice choked out in response. She forced her hand to his that was still placed on her right cheek.

At the sound of his name coming from the thought to be unconscious woman, Cullen was taken back. "Lily," he whispered back, softly kissing her lips as he watched her eyes open up to look at him. She had heard him. He still did not know how the words had flown out of his mouth, but she had heard them nonetheless. He felt her soft pink lips kiss his rough ones back, his beard rubbing against the skin of her bare chin. It was as beautiful as it had been the first time she had kissed him. He pulled back, placing his hand on her blonde hair, stroking it softly. "You need some rest," he said, standing up. "I'll get Ruth and Eva, ma'am," he said, smiling down at her on the small cot. He turned to walk out to quickly get to the two women for the medical purposes. But he also knew, deep down that he was not ready to confront or hear what she had to say in response to his declaration of love. He did not know for himself that he had truly meant those words, and he wanted to be sure.

Ruth was sitting beside a fire at the front of her church. Her eyes glanced over all of the damage. None of this seemed to matter to her, however. Joseph had taken off once again, before the raid had even started. Her father was dead. She did not have any feelings towards Sean; her heart was still set on the church and at the very core, on Joseph. She had no thoughts about anything now, however, because Joseph was gone and Hell on Wheels was broken. There would be no mass on Sunday. No one to preach to, no one to continue to try and save as her father had done before her. So many people were dead and so many were on their way to death.

"Miss Ruth," Bohannon said, stepping out into the moonlight at her side. "Mrs. Bell is up," he whispered in a somber voice. He did not know how to approach the woman who seemed lost in her own thoughts. None of this mattered to Ruth, who simply walked to the back of the church to aid Lily Bell. Cullen followed her back, rubbing his beard in his hands, still trying to comprehend what he had said to Lily.


End file.
